What is a People Pleaser?

Darryl Bachmeier
Sep 12, 2019

Perhaps you find yourself in situations that you do not want to be in but can’t seem to say ‘no’ to the person. Perhaps you feel used by others.

These are the tell-tale signs of a people pleaser. If you resonate with any of the above statements, then this article is for you.

What is a People Pleaser?

A people pleaser is a person that will go to all lengths to please others. They are willing to do anything for others just to please them and make others like them, even if it is sacrificing their mental health and wellbeing.

How to check whether You Are a People Pleaser?

People pleasers can be identified via the following points. Check them to see if any of them resonate with your person:

  • The constant need for validation. (Trying their best to do whatever the other person needs.)
  • Constantly finding oneself in an uncomfortable position.
  • Resentment towards other people for no apparent reason.
  • Overbooked. (Constantly having to do things for others).
  • Feeling terrible upon finding out that someone doesn’t like you.
  • Trying their very best to not come off as ‘selfish’, ‘rude, or ‘mean’.
  • The inability to say ‘no’.
  • Burying your feeling and ignoring them.
  • Feeling burned-out.
  • Neglecting your mental health and safety.
  • Jeopardizing your life and successes for others.
  • Trying to be kind to everyone.
  • Not setting proper boundaries for others.

If the above clicks with you, then there are some things you need to adjust to become better.

Why Do People Become People Pleasers?

People-pleasing tendencies stem from our childhood or any sort of traumatic incident that occurred in our life. Many scenarios can cause a person to become a people pleaser.

  • Mistreatment at a young age tends to make people adapt to become people, pleasers, to make the person mistreating them happy.
  • Lower self-worth can drive people to become people pleasers so they can get validation from everyone.
  • Trying to fit into a crowd tends to trigger a people pleaser tendency.
  • Trying to be kind to everyone, while not realizing their limits.
  • Not having the confidence to set personal boundaries.
  • Fear of abandonment and rejection from others.
  • The need to please everyone and avoiding people calling them ‘mean’ or ‘rude’.

There is a vast list of personal problems that can make a person become a people pleaser.

Why is being a people pleaser so bad?

People pleasers tend to not recognize their worth and importance. They do not understand that their people-pleasing habits are destructive to their health and wellbeing.

People-pleasing habits can lead to a cycle of being overworked, overbooked, underappreciated, and underwhelmed by other’s effort towards you as compared to your efforts towards them.

People-pleasing leads to burnout and resentment towards others. This leads to other people throwing all their burdens upon your shoulder while you feel uncomfortable and worn-out.

It is also very evident that people-pleasers are not as appreciated as they want to be. People do not recognize their worth and often use their insecurity as a tool for their gains.

How to stop being a people pleaser?

There are steps that you can take to ensure that you stop being a people pleaser, or at least reduce people-pleasing tendencies.

Learn To Know Your Worth

Understand that there is a place in this universe to be kind to others while being kind to yourself. You need to know your worth so you can find the peace that you crave to achieve through others.

Learn To Set Boundaries

Boundaries are quintessential in every relationship. Learn to create boundaries that allow you to be intact with others while being comfortable and kind to yourself.

Communicate About Your Feelings

It is vital to say no when you need to. Voice your opinions without feeling guilt or shame.


Therapy can do wonders. Therapy can help you to deal with your trauma and understand why is causing you to feel so insecure and find the need to please others.

Accept That Not Everyone Likes You

This can be extremely difficult to understand and even harder to see implemented in your life, but you simply cannot please everyone.

Affirmations And Journaling

Speaking affirmations in the mirror can help your brain realize that you deserve more. Journaling your feelings to identify what is bothering you can also help you to discover your true feelings.


It is not uncommon to become a people pleaser when you have insecurities in your own life. But instead of making kindness your demise, learn to set boundaries and when to say now at the right time.

2020 © Zenbo Services Ltd. All rights reserved.