Stop Blaming Others

Darryl Bachmeier
May 17, 2019

Don’t get too guilty when you find yourself looking for a way to throw blames at others when you fail. The average human is more comfortable with throwing around blames instead of taking responsibility for whatever predicament they find themselves in. Even if you may not want to admit it, but you have blamed the people in your life more times than you know. Most times, the blame game is played as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from further guilt and cope with the problems we have brought to ourselves.

Initially, playing the blame game may feel liberating, but in the long run it does more harm than good. In playing the blame game, you are prone to losing your originality and the true essence of what makes you a functional human being. It takes away the ability for you to push forward and live your best life at any point in time. Instead of facing the problem head to head, the blame game causes you to seek solution from someplace else, when you should be looking inwardly to find out what really went wrong. Nothing can prevent one’s forward movement in life more than this.

Obstacles are a major part of life, and you can’t stop them by throwing the blame somewhere else. The better thing to do in the face of these obstacles is to reflect inwardly and find out your role in allowing things get as bad as they currently are. When this is done, it becomes easier to identify signs that show that such problems might be coming again.

Some of the major reasons why people decide to trade blames include:

Finding themselves confused about their predicament and losing control of the situation

When it seems like things are going out of hand, panic often sets in. Once panic is introduced, every other thing begins to go haywire. If you aren’t the kind of person to naturally trade blames, you may find yourself doing that due to the panic that has captured your mind. Since there is nothing else to control, people turn to the blame to see if they can steer it away from themselves. Being in situations we cannot control can make us feel powerless, so we cling to anything to create a façade of power, even if it means being hurtful to others by highlighting all of their insecurities that may have caused the problem. The only thing that results from this is that we succeed in making ourselves even more helpless. While we stay inventing ways to throw blames, the problem keep growing in the background.

Ego protection

‘I am too good to take the blame. I am better at this than the other person.’ That is your ego talking and it will do everything to prevent you from taking the blame for whatever reason. Your ego will make you feel like taking the blame means you are lesser or not good enough, which is totally wrong.

In the end, you end up a victim, a victim suffering from the control of a fragile ego. Your ego is always in search of validation from others, and taking the blame would mean people seeing your flaws. This may mean losing any iota of respect they once had for you. Your ego cannot allow this happen, so it comes to the forefront of the conversation and pushes you into playing the blame game.

So how can you fix yourself and pause the blame game before it even starts?

The first thing to do is to recognize blame when you see it. Remain aware of the words you use whenever you find yourself in uncontrollable situations. Blames are mostly defensive and retaliatory. They are always eager to highlight reasons why the failure is the other party’s fault. When you hear things like “You never told me about this” “If only you had taken so and so steps, this wouldn’t have happened,” know that ego is in control. It always starts out putting the other person in the spotlight where they can be easily washed in all the blame.

Whenever you find yourself in situations that require blame, become aware of how you talk. Calm down and clearly choose the words you use in such situations. The blame game always kicks off in the presence of anger, so watch out for that.

Find out what you could have done better and blame yourself

A little self-blame won’t hurt anybody, especially when there is a real cause for it. For every situation in your life that goes out of hand, you are at least 1% of the contributing factor towards that effect. This doesn’t mean you should go about beating yourself about it. Instead, you make a decision to do better in the future. It is not a pleasing experience to accept the blame, but it will help you out more than you may know. Chances are that the other party involved will see your resolve to be better and decide to join you in taking their own part of the blame. In the end everyone wins.

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