How to Be Assertive

Darryl Bachmeier
Jul 15, 2020

Have you ever been in a situation when you know you should speak up for yourself, and you don’t? Or maybe in times you let others take advantage of you and accept other’s interests, thoughts, or feelings. Often, we don’t speak up about our needs and boundaries to not sound rude. That is why nice people are screwed for being too empathetic while giving more weight to other rights, wishes, desires, and wants.

The problem is nice people are not always nice as their primary concern is to be perfect in other people’s eyes than to themselves. They tend to lie frequently, and their actions are led by other person judgments. All their affections, kindness, and concern tend to wane over time, which gradually results in more sacrifices and resentment. So, how do we get rid of this? The key to avoiding this is by learning how to be assertive.

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a core communication skill that allows a person to express positive or negative feelings, ideas, and thoughts in an open, honest way without being aggressive or disrespecting the rights and beliefs of others. Being assertive is a quality of goodness that preaches genuine care, honesty, and kindness. It’s not to be just a nice guy in the eyes of others but to dare to hold up for ourselves without undermining other’s rights, needs, and desires.

When you learn to advocate for yourself and be more assertive, you gain self-confidence and earn more respect from others. Assertiveness reflects the goodness in the person that works in the best interest of either party. You should find a balance between being too passive and solely thinking of other’s desires more than yours. It’s a happy compromise to put ourselves and our actions forward while taking others wants into consideration. With that being said, here are some tips you can start doing right away to be more assertive and enrich relationships for a better planet.

Stand Up for Yourself

You might have come across people who will try to defend, disrespect, or take advantage of you in any way possible. Low confidence and low self-sufficiency limit us from being confident. Most of the time, you are not true to ourselves because we want people to be fond of us in a way; they want us to be. We tend to sacrifice our interest to put other’s desires ahead. To stand up for ourselves, we need to be self-confident and know our actual worth. When we possess greater self-esteem, expressing our opinion gets way easier. It allows us to act, speak, and present without hesitation or scared of what others might assume.

Value Other Person’s Point of View

Recognizing the needs and desires of others, along with yours, is an important aspect of assertiveness. An age-old technique is to look for a win-win situation. By analyzing other person perspectives, you can get an idea of what you can put on the table. However, to do this, you really need to value other people and cultivate true empathy to work for their betterment and future. You can put yourself in their shoes and offer reasonable options to let them choose probable solutions rather than appearing aggressive. Remember to keep the options that are consistent with your needs.

Know What You Want

You require making hundreds of decisions every day, but often we end up saying, “ I don’t know” or “ It’s up to you. I don’t have any opinions”. A significant part of being assertive is knowing what you want and what you don’t. Being afraid to make a decision can move the final result in interest to the other person. One way to conquer fear is to have courage. Courage to step your feet ahead despite all the odds around. Courage to speak when your opinion contradicts hundreds. It just takes a step to courage to deliver your expressions when you know what you want.

Keep Calm and Listen Actively

It’s important to listen to other person points of view and listen attentively to what they want. Remember that having a different point of view doesn’t mean that the person speaking is wrong, or you are definitely correct. Try to listen carefully and understand their perspective. Also, keeping your cool is critical to assertive communication. When you are yelling at the top of your lungs or making decisions emotionally, it might backfire on you. Work on to keep your face relaxed and maintain a friendly volume. This will let you be more assertive and make decisions positively.

Rehearse and Believe in Your Worth

If you are not confident about your issues, try rehearsing them with someone you trust. You can write them down and practice in front of a mirror. You can also ask for feedback from your trusted friends to know if your words are conveying the actual message. Pay attention to their response and how they are reacting to your verbal expressions and body language. Most importantly, believe in yourself to convey your feelings while respecting the rights of others.

Bottom Line

We all desire to be approachable to everyone around us. But a lot of problems can be solved by limiting niceness and become more assertive. Assertiveness can build your self-confidence and help you convey true feelings for others. It can allow you to get more of what you want.

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