Zenbo Life

It's your life. Plan it. Live it.

BLOG

Excuses/lies we tell ourselves

Category: 

It is undeniable that everyone aims to stand out throughout his or her lives.  However, sometimes, you choose your path out of fear disguised as practicality.  What you really want may seem impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect.  You never find the right time, right money, or any other excuse, so you never dare to ask the universe for it.

Such an act is a self-defeating behavior called self-sabotage.  The critical inner voice represents a negative sense of self.  Therefore, it can interfere with your plans and ruin your most ambitious goals even before you try to achieve them.

The following are three common ways how we place unnecessary limitations on ourselves.

Three Most Common Ways to Sabotage Yourself

Procrastination

We all have been in that mood when you have so many things to do; but then, find yourself doing everything else but those things, only to prevent you from actually facing the task.  In addition, with every failed attempt to do the thing you want, you "prove" to yourself that you cannot or should not do it.  Something needs to be changed here, right?  Instead of focusing on the end goal, set clear and small victories you can achieve by the end of the day.  Whatever they are, they do not have to be perfect, they just have to exist!  Start now and you will build self-confidence to reach the bigger picture.

Overthinking

Worrying about things that should not really matter.  What if X happened?  What if I could not make it?  Why bother?  You will never succeed anyway.  Your head is about to explode for no reason.  You will never be 100% certain on how things will turn out until you go out there and make them happen.  Ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen?  Will I be able to survive it?”  In addition, you will always find that the answer is "YES!  JUST GO!"

Emotionally confused

Your logical mind tells you that you should not wait around for a text, while the emotional mind makes you stalk your ex on Integra while you are trying to get over them.  Its okay, we all do this.  No need for shame.  The first step in resolving a problem is recognizing it.  Instead of self-flagellation, look at your actions with kindness and accountability.  Ask yourself a question, "Is this action beneficial to you will it harm you in the long run?  Is it really worth it?”  Think about it carefully and commit to an action that would take you in the right direction.

All of this leads us to a vital question.  If self-sabotage, were that harmful, why would you do this to yourself?  Here are three big reasons.

Three Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage and How to Avoid Them

Comfort

If someone is in a bad spot, like a toxic relationship, everyone close to him will point out red flags, but the person involved refuses to believe any of them.  The power of denial is so strong that we hold onto old habits, which blocks any new ideas, people, or opportunities.  We even sometimes take denial a step further by trying to confirm a lie.

When we are stuck in a miserable job, instead of looking for a new position, we hold onto a false hope that things will automatically get better on their own.  The critical inner voice likes to keep us in a box, and once you give up going after what you want, it starts in with the self-punishing thoughts: “What a loser.  No one loves you.  You’re a nobody.”

Negative self-talk

The expression “you are your own worst enemy” is applicable for some of us, since we, as human beings, are divided.  Part of us is goal-directed and positive, and the other is referred to as "anti-self".  The anti-self is a nagging voice in our minds.

It whispers to us through self-critical, “Don’t make a fool of yourself.  You are not getting that job.  You’ll only be humiliated”.  We grow up on these thoughts until we accept them on some level as truth.  Instead of saying, "I'm such an idiot for asking them out", switch it to "I'm feeling hurt but this also took a lot of courage."

Self-worth

Our actions tend to be in harmony with our beliefs and values.  When they are not, we make an effort to line them up again, but sometimes we fail to.  For example, if you witnessed unethical practices at work, you would innately do the right thing.

However, what if this could cost you your job?  “My family’s livelihood is at stake” is a phrase that comes to the minds of most people in such a situation.  Rocking the boat feels too dangerous, so excuses are made instead of confronting.  Even if we start to achieve victories, the plug to get rid of the dissonance is pulled as long as we still view ourselves as worthless and incapable.

Final Thoughts

The critical inner voice is shaped by early life experiences, the ways we were viewed and treated growing up.  Therefore, facing our past is an important part of avoiding self-sabotaging and developing a more compassionate view toward ourselves.  Remember that your interests, hobbies, and personality are things that differentiate you from others.  In addition, even if it is hard to open to yourself about what you feel or act, honesty is always a sign of bravery you have enough to face the fact and change it.

You may also enjoy