Do Not Beat Yourself Up

Darryl Bachmeier
Oct 24, 2020

Self-Critique or Bullying?

We can compare self-criticism with salt; healthy doses of both enhance our taste in life. But anything taken in excess is harmful. The perception of self-critique should not be any different. If you continuously beat yourself up for every minor mistake and underachievement of life, this is high time you stopped!  We all have had these experiences of being humiliated, bullied in our life. There will always be some people giving out negative energy. They will often try to manipulate you into believing that you are a nonstarter. When the world is loaded with toxicities and harsh criticisms anyway, why not be compassionate to yourself?  It is essential to understand the thin line between criticism and bullying. You can sometimes criticize your decision, find fault with your personality traits—but make sure that you are not going too hard on yourself. Learning to hold sway over your overactive sentiments is as crucial as self-critique, if not more! 

Who Does This and Why? 

If you notice carefully, these are the people, overly kind and compassionate towards others. But when it comes to them, they suddenly take a sharp turn and start disparaging themselves for every fault they make—be it a money mistake, career misstep, personal life decision. They tend to blame themselves and burn their bridges. Research says people with traumatizing childhood are more likely to expose to this personality problem. Children with rigorous parents, teachers, or bullying friends grow up with this fear of facing brutal criticism all the time. To eschew others’ harsh judgment, they play that role of harsh critics on their own. Also, someone raised with over expectations can fall victim to this widespread, painful characteristic. They set an ideological spectrum of goals, and when they fail, they lose their self-esteem on all counts and practice self-loathing! 

The Reality Check

In reality, you are a man of flesh and blood and not a robot. Hence, this is okay to pour money down the drain on some days. You may choose an unfit partner at some point in your life or make a wrong career decision—nothing makes you any less of a person! To improve different facets of your personality, appearance, and outlook, you need to be open and kind to yourself, not otherwise!

A Few Steps Forward

Here are some effective ways for you to turn the tables positively!

Practice self-love 

It may sound a bit cliché and fancy to many, but how often do you practice this? The answer is obvious! Start pampering yourself. Take yourself on ridiculously amazing dates, stand before the mirror, and tell yourself how energetic, fun-loving, and kind human being you are! We are not kidding; after a couple of days, this nonsensical self-talk will start making sense to you. At least, that is what the psychology experts say!

Set some achievable goals

Instead of setting impractical and unrealistic, bizarre goals for yourself, sit quietly and mull over things with more intensity. Take baby steps ahead and think about which position you dream of seeing yourself in after two years. Work towards that goals but do not burden yourself with over expectations!

Write down your achievements

This one is very therapeutic. Take a diary and write down all of your achievements as a list. Those accomplishments that you barely gave two hoots to will boost up the nerve cells in your brain, and you will not feel as meritless you have thought yourself to be all these years!                  

The aches of memories

Suppose your childhood or teenage had been unkind to you to specific people and events. In that case, it is time you learned to look at them from different perspectives. You need to remind yourself of the fact that they were the ones at fault who wronged your tender heart and brain. What they told and assessed about you was false, and you are not supposed to punish yourself for that, not by any stretch of the imagination!

Learn to forgive yourself!

You are perhaps one of those few extra-kind humans that have the emotional capability of forgiving others without trouble. Your sensitivity is much appreciated among your well-wishers. Still, now it is time you began doing the same to you as well! You may have made many mistakes in life like any normal human being does—but your realization is more significant than that of many. Hence, you are a better person!  Instead of beating yourself up for that every slip of you in the path of life, practice what you do to others—forgive! Self-apology and self-appraisal are two beautiful osmoses that life teaches us. You should not stick to one and slip upon another! 


In an imperfect world, one should never beat oneself up to become perfect. Instead, learning to embrace your imperfections and slowly, steadily working on them is one of the many rules of self-love. In fact, the harsher you are towards yourself, the lesser your chances of flourishing are. As Jennifer Dukes Lee put in words so beautifully that in a brutal world, all the doors are open for us, why can we just not be kind, then? Well, we ask you, why can you not be kind to yourself first?       

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