Bank of Mom and Dad

Darryl Bachmeier
Sep 12, 2020

The bank of mom and dad. It’s like divine manna, instant ATM, unlimited loans with minimal to no interest charges. Sounds like an amazing thing, right? Yes if you are the child, but not if you are mom and dad.

Wait, aren’t parents responsible for their children? Well sadly, nowadays, many children are growing up more entitled because they were “cradled” by mom and dad longer than what’s healthy.

May it be out of love or out of pity, being unable to set the right boundaries in the bank of mom and dad is a recipe for bigger challenges coming.

Self-reliance used to be a golden nugget that we learn out of need. However, growing up knowing that there’s always someone you can count on defeats it. And ironically, it’s your parents who forgot to teach you about it.

All because the bank of mom and dad became open 24/7.

What Has Changed?

It seems that nowadays, people’s needs are growing too alongside whatever growth we experience in our income capacity. In other words, the more we earn, so as our lifestyle grows alongside.

With these, adult income earners are more inclined to working harder to support their own and their children’s growing lifestyle. Add to the burden is that being in a consumer-driven world is challenging to keep up with. Hence, we tend to focus on the present more rather than preparing for our future. We work for survival.

Meanwhile, studies show that boomerang children are growing in numbers. They are your children fresh out of college who instead of venturing into the real world by getting a job, come back to your nest and stay bummed for a few years or while figuring out what’s the best thing to do for the rest of their lives.

These boomerangs add up to the financial and emotional burden of their parents. Being afraid that these children won’t be able to thrive in the real world, parents nurture them again at the expense of the lessons they can still learn from challenges.

Times might have changed, and living might have been a little more challenging lately but the wisdom of parenting and independence remain true. Adult children need leeway for growth, and independence is that crucial step towards achieving it.

As they say, need is the necessity of invention. And when children understand the need by feeling it and living in it, that’s the time they look for ways to fill it. When they got nothing to rely on but themselves, it becomes the first step to reality.

What Happened to the Bank of Mom and Dad?

Parents who have younger children are still considering providing for them even when they have become adults themselves. This is evident as to how they venture into investments like real properties and insurances. While it’s not wrong to think of our children’s future as long as we can, some parents forget that more than money, it’s the life lessons that are worth providing them the most.

Enter, the bank of mom and dad.

Now, aside from foregoing lessons about life and survival, many parents are also helping their children today but at the expense of their future.

When parents extend help financially to their adult and capable children, especially during big-ticket purchases like their first home, what they may not realize is that they are setting aside their future because of it. And without them knowing, they are making themselves potential burdens because of their incapacity to support their retirement.

Now that you see a better picture, pushing your adult children out of your home might be the best thing to do.

But wait, I’m not saying that forcing your children out of your home when they turned 18 is a must. All decisions are case-to-case and should be respectful of your values, culture, and personal decisions.

My point is that, at this phase, it is best to evaluate your situation through the lens of the future, too. The love between the child and his parents should not be questioned when making financial decisions.

Final Thoughts

Now to avoid more complications, the best way to deal with it is through early intervention. Shaping your children’s outlook in life about money and independence should be fostered while growing up. When they are old enough to understand, it’s time to discuss expectations. As you get them involved in planning for their future, it also becomes the best time to teach life lessons that can help them get through the real world.

If you are capable, there is nothing wrong with setting aside money to help your children get a good head start in life. Just make sure it does not create an impression that they are entitled to unlimited withdrawals from the bank of mom and dad. The lessons you impart your adult children can take them further in life more than the money or property you give them.

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